The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

tom_e said:
Hope you've got a list of non face to face positions planned! :D
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Ay6KX2M.jpg
 
GW1970 said:
My expat partner moved in 6 weeks ago having not seen each other since dec 2019 and catching covid whilst in Kazakhstan and the USA.

we now have a Cat ( RSPCA) and I proposed last Sunday whilst in Barmouth and she said “yes”
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Congrats.
 
Things going OK here. Getting into swing of things with seeing kids less and not seeing my "ex wife" other than at child exchanges.
Most comms are via email now which is easier. Keeps the face to face brief and minimises chance of conflict.
Kids doing OK I think - a few tears at night when they want mummy and I have to say "mummy doesn't live here anymore" or something like that. But they are adapting amazingly well on the whole.
I have never had a quiet life - always doing things - so I am just filling my extra free time with doing more of these things and trying not to think too much of what the future may hold or dwell on the past. Whats done is done and what will be, will be!
 
GW1970 said:
My expat partner moved in 6 weeks ago having not seen each other since dec 2019 and catching covid whilst in Kazakhstan and the USA.

we now have a Cat ( RSPCA) and I proposed last Sunday whilst in Barmouth and she said “yes”
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you proposed to the cat?
 
Daxion5 said:
That's a pretty awesome acid test right there - I don't think my partner and I have ever managed this in over a decade...
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Well, we managed to continue the dating/relationship during the pandemic (March-May) with virtual dates, so what's a bit of Swedish chipboard and little dowels?! :D
 
Hi folks - feel odd posting these kind of things on a public forum but struggling with my own thoughts at the moment so here we go!

Been married for 4 years. We've known each other for around 6 having met online.
I've always been very keen on having children coming from a large family orientated background and have always felt it was something I strongly wanted for my future and from a marriage: to build a family and home and become a parent.
Having a family together was discussed during the initial stages of our relationship as something that would happen 'in the next few years' and in fact, for a short period near the start, my partner was the more vocal about wanting to have children. I've always been very open about not being the stereotypical lazy dad, I'm generally quite proactive in life and have been vocal about wanting to be front and centre in parenting.
However, having gotten married my wife has now become far more reticent and negative towards the idea of children, quite vocally so. To begin with she wanted, quite naturally, to make sure her career was on the right lines before committing to children. A couple of years later things in that department are now more stable (not amazing but better) and so her negativity is now far more general, not feeling like she wants a child, being afraid/anxious, not wanting to bring someone into our scary world etc. I feel like her negativity to children is now just quite general and the reasons more varied and scatter gun. She has also become quite open about this when around her friends and I find the way she occasionally talks about children or other people with young families to be a bit distasteful considering how keen I am on having a family. Sometimes she really seem quite open about thinking having children is a terrible idea.
She senses my unease and will say that 'we'll have children one day' or 'when we have a child in the future we'll... x,y,z" but I feel like I just don't trust her and that she's just saying this occasionally to plicate me. She's in her early 30s and I'm in my mid 30's and I feel like time is running out to be a young and active dad - an over reaction I know but hopefully it's understandable that it's better to have children whilst relatively young.

This whole situation then lays bare other problems in our relationship - of which there are a few. And even how I think we'd cope with children as I have questions over this regarding her sometimes shaky mental health and how she'd cope with being a mother. Most things I feel like we could muddle through and make things work. But for me fatherhood feels like such a massive thing and I'm starting to feel like she's taking me for a ride and that our relationship is reaching some kind of limit.

Furthermore I feel like if roles were reversed and she (wanting children) married a chap (who initially was keen) then refused to have kids, she'd drop him like a stone?
 
GJM said:
Hi folks - feel odd posting these kind of things on a public forum but struggling with my own thoughts at the moment so here we go!

Been married for 4 years. We've known each other for around 6 having met online.
I've always been very keen on having children coming from a large family orientated background and have always felt it was something I strongly wanted for my future and from a marriage: to build a family and home and become a parent.
Having a family together was discussed during the initial stages of our relationship as something that would happen 'in the next few years' and in fact, for a short period near the start, my partner was the more vocal about wanting to have children. I've always been very open about not being the stereotypical lazy dad, I'm generally quite proactive in life and have been vocal about wanting to be front and centre in parenting.
However, having gotten married my wife has now become far more reticent and negative towards the idea of children, quite vocally so. To begin with she wanted, quite naturally, to make sure her career was on the right lines before committing to children. A couple of years later things in that department are now more stable (not amazing but better) and so her negativity is now far more general, not feeling like she wants a child, being afraid/anxious, not wanting to bring someone into our scary world etc. I feel like her negativity to children is now just quite general and the reasons more varied and scatter gun. She has also become quite open about this when around her friends and I find the way she occasionally talks about children or other people with young families to be a bit distasteful considering how keen I am on having a family. Sometimes she really seem quite open about thinking having children is a terrible idea.
She senses my unease and will say that 'we'll have children one day' or 'when we have a child in the future we'll... x,y,z" but I feel like I just don't trust her and that she's just saying this occasionally to plicate me. She's in her early 30s and I'm in my mid 30's and I feel like time is running out to be a young and active dad - an over reaction I know but hopefully it's understandable that it's better to have children whilst relatively young.

This whole situation then lays bare other problems in our relationship - of which there are a few. And even how I think we'd cope with children as I have questions over this regarding her sometimes shaky mental health and how she'd cope with being a mother. Most things I feel like we could muddle through and make things work. But for me fatherhood feels like such a massive thing and I'm starting to feel like she's taking me for a ride and that our relationship is reaching some kind of limit.

Furthermore I feel like if roles were reversed and she (wanting children) married a chap (who initially was keen) then refused to have kids, she'd drop him like a stone?
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Feels like a deal breaker to me.
I'm effectively you're partner (except I've never wanted kids)

But I know if my gf changed her mind about not wanting kids to wanting them we'd break up. I'd understand. People can change thier mind. I wouldn't blame her for that.

However if I found out she'd been hiding her true feelings that would be different.

Don't let her string you along. But on this one I'd say this isn't going to end well.

It already seems like you aren't positive about the relationship (understandable) and you used the phrase' I don't know if I trust her'


Longer this goes on... Unresolved.. The more you are going to build resentment
 
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Had a date with a girl a few months ago, she didn’t really seem in the right frame of mind to date because of reasons in her life etc. She was in agreement. We’ve kept in touch sporadically etc just general chit chat like How’s your day etc..
Although not ghosting me she would often take a week or 3/4 days to reply.

A few weeks ago I met someone who I’ve seen a number of times, with a few more dates lined up this week. Things are going well.

The old girl has messaged asking if I wanna meet for a coffee. I just don’t know how to say no without the potential upset? Any advice appreciated.
 
joelk2 said:
Had a date with a girl a few months ago, she didn’t really seem in the right frame of mind to date because of reasons in her life etc. She was in agreement. We’ve kept in touch sporadically etc just general chit chat like How’s your day etc..
Although not ghosting me she would often take a week or 3/4 days to reply.

A few weeks ago I met someone who I’ve seen a number of times, with a few more dates lined up this week. Things are going well.

The old girl has messaged asking if I wanna meet for a coffee. I just don’t know how to say no without the potential upset? Any advice appreciated.
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Why are you caring about the potential upset? Just tell her you pass on her offer. You don't owe her anything. She might be a little upset at first but she will get over it and carry on with life regardless.
 
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