It's more that I'm not clear on what this is to be honest. She's said she's keen for it to be more than dating but her actions don't reflect that. I'm fine with something casual as long as I know that that's what's going on
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
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I wasn't talking about having kids.
My point is, at 35 plus if your are male. It's never over, it just the beginning. If have your money and body in check ( not fat) Then you are open to dating 10 years older and 10 years younger(which is better).
I'm male.
I never wanted kids unless I knew the relationship was solid otherwise I'm not interested in having kids its mainly companionship, having somebody to share life with etc...
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She was end of quarter last month I’m guessing and a salesperson, right?
This!
Find a lady, have a kid. You won't regret it. Kids are great.
Erm, you are the man here, it's your job to lead, not waiting around wondering what she wants. If you want it to be more than dating then stop dilly dallying and set up a romantic evening and ask her to be your girlfriend. If you want to keep it casual then tell her you would prefer to keep things just fun.
I find it so bizarre when people say things like this. Kids are great for many people, but they are definitely not for everyone. I know several people who had kids and quite clearly later regretted it, and it doesn't end well for anyone involved. I personally have absolutely no desire to have kids, and neither does my wife. It's like any other major life choice, the only difference being that people seem to feel like it's their duty to tell everyone how great kids are and how anyone who disagrees with them is quite simply wrong.
What's your body comp like?
I have found there's no end of women aged 30-35 desperate for babies with a man who has the foundations ready for a family.
You're.... wrong?
Had to
But in all seriousness... in my view.... children are special. Unless you have your own, you'll never understand.
Those that regret it, again my view... must have failings as a parent.
Sure, it's not for everyone. Not everyone is cut out to raise children too.
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Really not helpful in this thread TBH.
If there's one thing I've been sure about and straight up with during dating its 'I don't want kids'. It's a deal breaker and should be discussed early days.
So so many reasons I don't want kids. I mean here are some
- less money
- less time
- having to plan everything
- difficult to make clean break if relationship ends
- over population
- state of the environment
- more stress
- Need bigger house
- no local support network
-16 years at least commitment
-restrictive holidays
- I don't like babies
Biggest is time. When sun is out. I want to be out. Sometimes that's Saturday and Sunday most of the day. Kids just don't fit into that lifestyle.
Really if you aren't mat/paternal there are no pluses. It's very much a instinct. Logic doesn't stack up.
So if you don't have that natural drive the appeal isn't there.
Personally i don't agree with telling people "parenthood is great, you should do it" as it's such a commitment and not everyone is cut out for it. It's the biggest commitment and life change choice a typical person will have.
Think times are changing now and people are questioning it. Particularly as life gets more expensive and there's more to do.
My point, exactly.
Although, unless you have children.. you can't possibly understand the positives.
That list of cons, to me reads as a bunch of poor quality excuses.
As i have said, my comments here are 100% my own views.. take them with a pinch of salt. Not here to offend anyone.
No offence at all.
Yeah it's a shame you can't really "try before you buy" I'm sure about my choices and so are you. Its being on the fence that must be hard.
If I fundamentally loved kids it would be different I expect. And a lot of the reasons (I object to excuses
) are due to time.I also want to finally travel now I have a house.
My hobbies and interests are not kid friendly!
The reasons for having kids don't wash with me. I don't even find kids "cute"
Good thing, you can turn 60 years old and decide "Actually, I wouldn't mind just having one kid" Then you can get it done by dating someone half your age
Soldato
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None taken and your views are as valid as any
I still think it's not a great statement to chuck at others though. Even if I agree kids are great 
Yes, or being in a position where you and your partner are in the middle somewhere but at different parts of the spectrum. As time passed and we grow and change, it seems we may be drifting towards different conclusions, which is a bit of a bummer.
And then be a knackered old dad who can't go and kick a ball aroundGood thing, you can turn 60 years old and decide "Actually, I wouldn't mind just having one kid" Then you can get it done by dating someone half your age
None taken and your views are as valid as any
Yes, or being in a position where you and your partner are in the middle somewhere but at different parts of the spectrum. As time passed and we grow and change, it seems we may be drifting towards different conclusions, which is a bit of a bummer.
And then be a knackered old dad who can't go and kick a ball around
Ive never had to deal with the drift of one party to the other option.
I think when we were going through buying the house and relocation I did ask about anything changing. I hope she'd tell me if she changed her mind.
Unfortunately not everyone does and resentment just grows if not addressed
I'm about average build and tall.
I'm not interested in desperate women who just want a baby. If I'm going to help bring a baby into this world then I'd want to be there for it and it to have a decent family and give a decent life. There are to many kids around that don't have both there parents. I'd rather not have any at all. I live in London which is not the best place for a single almost 40 year old male looking for a relationship. I've kinda given up with it all now anyway. If it happens, It happens. If it don't then I've lost nothing.
WHAT!!! You don't know how lucky you are. Try living outside of London, places further up north such as Birmingham. The options are more rough than an dogs bark. Leftover women nobody else wants.
London is an international city so it shouldn't be a problem for you building relationships. Especially if you are in your 40's and got your money right. You have the upper hand now so you shouldn't be giving up.
Its not really about money, I don't even think women know I have money and my own place without literally telling them. If I had a super car then yeah I;d probably be attracting women. Most people who live in London have come here for work and job opportunity's normally already coupled up, the single women want other men just not me, people who are richer... a lot richer. I'm not really into those types. Give me a southern valley woman from the states any day. When I start looking properly I'm sure I will find somebody. The funny thing is I find they are more friendly up the north of England.