Agree. This is another reason I don't gym. I'd rather be out on sea on my kayak , in the sea on my board, or on my bike on a trail
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
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Agree. This is another reason I don't gym. I'd rather be out on sea on my kayak , in the sea on my board, or on my bike on a trail
Doesn't have to be the gym but it needs to be enough physical activity to make a difference to your body and mind. As I mentioned earlier, diet plays a big part and sleep too.
No point doing physical activity and if you are knocking back sugar drinks, over consuming on alcohol and over eating. Which can lead to not getting enough sleep. As the saying goes "You cant outrun a bad diet"
To be fair, one of the happiest times in my life was when a friend and I regularly started going to the gym after work, many years ago. I don't remember realising at the time that I felt better but looking back I can see exactly all the benefits it had. Then I met the ex who almost killed me.
The deep depression I found myself in, even after getting away from her resulted in not being able to maintain going to the gym again. But, then I found myself unable to get out of bed most days.
Personally, now though I'd love to get back to a gym and start getting more physically fit. My disability and general health excludes that though (I'm virtually housebound these days). However, O have seen excellent results for me with a change in diet etc.
The deep depression I found myself in, even after getting away from her resulted in not being able to maintain going to the gym again. But, then I found myself unable to get out of bed most days.
Personally, now though I'd love to get back to a gym and start getting more physically fit. My disability and general health excludes that though (I'm virtually housebound these days). However, O have seen excellent results for me with a change in diet etc.
If you have to tell people you are something...
I actually just typed out a fair whack of stuff but have deleted it as I cba and suspect you'd focus on one thing of my whole response and reply to that part only.
You've had plenty of advice in here about working on yourself, why not go do it.
Below is for everyone and anyone struggling and just my own journey.
As someone with low confidence in himself, got absolutely destroyed by my ex (cheated and destroyed friendship groups) and frankly someone who struggles with maintaining a positive outlook on life and items, not to mention enjoys some devils lettuce. Also I dont enjoy talking to new women in this context, I can do it for work all day everyday meeting random people I even met an stunning swimsuit model through work the other day and had to sit and deal with them for 2 days. But for personal, I struggle, but guess what you got to just do it and get the awkwardness out of you, then you'll start just naturally being yourself and people will either gravitate towards or away.
The only way forward is by wanting to move forward myself and sort it out, hence why I am back in a BJJ gym getting my demons choked out of me, building friendships, trying to maintain a more active approach indoors rather than just playing video games and much more. Is it working and do I have all the honeys on my arm right now? No, not at all, removed myself off of all dating platforms/apps too.
I'll work on myself and ensure I can be happy as myself before looking for something like that, who knows someone might even just come along and surprise me? If not, there is always a brass to take away any emotional comforts I am missing whilst I continue to work on myself and what I want from my life.
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Soldato
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This is not a personal attack in any way, but from reading through your posts here, I would say that you are actually incredibly emotionally immature in your thinking. "Intelligent" maybe in one sense, but the picture you paint is most definitely the complete opposite emotionally.
Really sorry to say that, but emotionally maturity allows you to understand emotions, the source of them, be with them and process them effectively. It also means having a strong belief in one's self, have a high level of accountability, an openness to learning new perspectives and points of view and understanding that they do not know everything.
3 simple things that got me out of my hole:
- Break life down into small simple achievable tasks and tick them off at my leisure. Sure beats being over-faced with one huge issue you procrastinate on indefinitely because it seems impossible to start. Break it down, find quick wins and work on them first.
- Exercise. This has done the most for me. Don't expect to be good at it, look good doing it or even enjoy doing it at first. Forget worrying about the social side of it, just go touch grass, get some decent footwear & coat and go explore the countryside at the very least. Just get yourself moving in the outdoors and see places you normally wouldn't. Progress by finding a hill or mountain to hike up and chalk it up as a goal to achieve. Despite it being normal for me to enjoy the outdoors (grew up rurally), getting myself out up in the mountains of the UK, then into cycling and now running (things escalated quickly) I have unlocked so much more of myself that everyone around me benefits from. Really brought me out of a rubbish place. I've achieved some things many other people wouldn't never think of just from trying to better myself but the best part is it doesn't feel like therapy. It also makes you more interesting. Some of my best memories have been up in the mountains with my dogs.
- Being more selfish. I'm quite comfortable and happy on my own, never needed someone else, so for me it's important to do the things I like outside of the exceptions of my family and friends. Being the problem-solver for everyone doesn't help solve your own so saying no and making time for just yourself is important, especially as a bloke.
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Soldato
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What are people's thoughts on age differences in a relationship? Me and a girl at work get on like we've known each other for years, despite only meeting a few months back. She's 26, I'm 51 but we just click. She's gorgeous too, the sort of woman that is usually way out my league. She's properly beautiful, the sort that stops men in their tracks. 99% of me is screaming to just go for it and see what happens. But then there's that 1% laying little brain worms in my head.
I personally don't see a problem with it, she's over 25. Just see how it goes if you're both interested.
You are 51....so what have you got to loose from trying!?!?!!.......Nothing
As long as you're both consenting adults it doesn't matter what age she is. Even if she was 18-19. Anyone who has an issue with that are jealous or total morons
Start small, ask her out for a drink and hang out.
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Exactly, the way I see it too. Most of the time, they are just jealous.
Soldato
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She IS a work colleague though, slightly different concern there.
Was Gonna say this.
If you actually work together especially. If she's a friend who's a work colleague but you don't work with her at all that's one thing. If she sits in meetings with you (for example) might just want to think about it before diving in.
Soldato
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Pro: Dude in his 50s can bang 20 odd year old
Cons: It'll end badly (no person in their 20s has a clue about anything) and make things awkward AF at work.
On balance. Yea, probably would.
Cons: It'll end badly (no person in their 20s has a clue about anything) and make things awkward AF at work.
On balance. Yea, probably would.
If you've only known her a few months, I wouldn't be too convinced she wants to take things further just because you get on really well in the workplace.
If you go for it and she declines, you need to hope word doesn't get out, as you'll be looked at as Mr Creepy for the foreseeable future.
I don't think anyone but you can make your mind up, we aren't there to see the body language etc.
A difficult one, as any single dude in their 50s would be lying if they said they didn't still want to be smashing prime pasty.
If you go for it and she declines, you need to hope word doesn't get out, as you'll be looked at as Mr Creepy for the foreseeable future.
I don't think anyone but you can make your mind up, we aren't there to see the body language etc.
A difficult one, as any single dude in their 50s would be lying if they said they didn't still want to be smashing prime pasty.
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Soldato
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