It does feel that way. She went to stay at a friends last night who is out of town to get some space. Ended up going out and already messaged to say she is hungover. That makes like 6 nights out and hangovers in 4 weeks. Normally she would have only gone out maybe once in that time. Yes it was Christmas but still seems a lot. I can't do anymore for her. She will do what she wants. Moving on with my plan but I am expecting reality to hit her at some point.
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
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Here is hoping it doesn’t come to that. So many people have told me she will regret it. They have seen this before and know that one day she will realise what she threw away. So many examples with friends of people trying again months later etc. I can’t do that though as she is causing so much damage. The kids are even noticing now and my eldest is worried.
It's funny isn't it how some people say how they'd be willing to try again etc etc when in reality that never seems to happen in my experience and the rare instances that I know it has happened, I can't think of any that actually stay together. Trust is the foundation of everything in a relationship and if you don’t have that, you don't have anything. You'll always be waiting for that shoe to drop.
I hope it doesn't turn nasty, it's just what I've seen happen. Even my ex, who abused me went even more psychotic when I refused her not so subtle hints about wanting me back. She hasn't cared what that did to our kids.
I hope it doesn't turn nasty, it's just what I've seen happen. Even my ex, who abused me went even more psychotic when I refused her not so subtle hints about wanting me back. She hasn't cared what that did to our kids.
I’m waiting for the day she says she met someone else. Can put the feelings I have behind me. I’m still struggling emotionally as it was so sudden for me I still haven’t processed it. I rerun everything in my head including if I should leave or not. I can’t get any sympathy from her and whilst I know I need out I question if I should as I’m doing it for her mostly. Guess somewhere inside I’m still clinging on.
My own head keeps getting in the way and I just want to burn it to the ground and take everything. I’m yet to actually be angry with her for this. I think I need to be.
My own head keeps getting in the way and I just want to burn it to the ground and take everything. I’m yet to actually be angry with her for this. I think I need to be.
Caporegime
No point getting angry with her as it could be used against you.
Focus on yourself and the kids. I’ve noticed above you said you’ve only been sleeping 3 hours a night. You need to get on top of that or you’re going to have a breakdown eventually. See a GP and get something to knock you out.
I can barely function at work the next day if I’ve had that little sleep. Can’t imagine how I’d manage if that was ongoing for weeks or maybe months.
Focus on yourself and the kids. I’ve noticed above you said you’ve only been sleeping 3 hours a night. You need to get on top of that or you’re going to have a breakdown eventually. See a GP and get something to knock you out.
I can barely function at work the next day if I’ve had that little sleep. Can’t imagine how I’d manage if that was ongoing for weeks or maybe months.
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@ShadowMan I agree with this, this is the reason why you are starting to feel like you need to be angry, its because you have allowed your body to deteriorate to this level. You come across an intelligent and sensible guy, get yourself some sleep first and I am sure you can process this without anger. Make sure you are eating and hydrating too.
It's going to take some time and is by all all means not fully over yet before you can truly relax and reset, so you got to be prepared and in a good state of mind at the very least mate.
Been quiet but have followed your story, you are going to do great and get through all of this, dont let her cause any more unnecessary damage to you.
I finally managed a full nights sleep last night for the first time actually. At least 8 hours. Food intake is down still but getting better. Managed a meal with a friend and my eldest last night. Smaller than I used to eat but still finished it and was more than a sandwich. Time is my biggest problem. I am someone who likes to fix things and fix them quickly. Coming from a technical background a rapid support industry I don't like things that take time and I can't control. Its driving me insane. I also fill in blanks with worst case scenario all the time. New Facebook friend? She's sleeping with him. Updated photo? She's showing off to someone. She doesn't even know how much she breaks my brain. She isn't smart enough for it. I am my own worst enemy. At this stage it may be a case of which of us break mentally first.
Soldato
General breakup tip that's definitely relevant here: do not look at their social media! It will really undermine your progress and make you feel crap, plus giving you worry material like you say.
Man of Honour
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Good advice. Best thing I did was to cut contact completely, despite the one who dumped me wanting to ‘meet up and remain friends’. **** that.
It's perfectly normal and reasonable to be feeling how you are feeling. If I recall correctly, up until recently you felt secure in your relationship and have been blindsided.
I know it's awful but removing her from all your socials and blocking will be hugely helpful in not seeing stuff. It does take time but it will stop hurting and there will come a day you just won't care anymore.
I know it's awful but removing her from all your socials and blocking will be hugely helpful in not seeing stuff. It does take time but it will stop hurting and there will come a day you just won't care anymore.
the biggest problem with socials is living in the same house at all. Just had a chat about the nesting and she had assumed I was only going to see the kids a few days in my week as she has nowhere to go for more than a couple of days. She wasn’t happy when I said no. I want my week at home with them. She believes we can deal with the house and everything in weeks rather than months. She didn’t even know about cooling off period in divorce. I wont not see my kids 50/50 until it’s done. I’ll give her a week or 2 maybe to get sorted but it’s 50/50 from Feb at latest. Actions have consequences is how I told her. Her being homeless and not having somewhere to stay like I do isn’t my problem.
She needs to get her cheating lying ass to a solicitors to have all this **** explained to her in plain English by a professional. Personally I wouldn't give her any concessions because the moment I did was the moment the courts started forcing me to forever do all the leg work regarding seeing the kids. There was no meeting in the middle etc it was me dragging myself 2hrs each way via buses when there was no reason she couldn't other than spite.
You also don't want to give her to much time alone with them as if she's anything like mine then she'll start trying to brain wash them and make you out to be the *******! Unfortunately after more than a decade she managed to completely turn my son against me so he refuses to see me or talk to me ( he has adhd, autism and is identified as vulnerable to manipulation) and tried the same with my daughter and when that didn't work they both started physical and emotionally abusing her so that while she lives with me now she's dealing with a lot of trauma and mental health difficulties. Yes my situation is probably on the more extreme end of things but I wouldn't take the chance.
She will have to. Whilst angry at me tonight she said she just wants to get on with the divorce. I told her to file it then and send it to my solicitors. I'm not doing it without them. I won't do an easy online one like she wants. I'll spend money to get it done right and they can fight my corner for everything I deserve. I'm not leaving this house for more than 50% of the time and only if we agree it in writing too with a schedule. This is my house. Its not hers. I'll be buying it and its mine.
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Amen brother, like she has any right to be angry with you? She's the one who's blown up her life, yet somehow it's your fault. I'd laugh if it wasn't so twisted. If she had any remorse for hurting you or the kids she'd be looking at anyway possible to make things easier. I despise people like this!
Caporegime
It's nice to think that way, but you need to be prepared for the scenario where it doesn't play out like that.
Divorce with children involved doesn't always follow the most logical path.
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Which is why I’m using a £360 per hour solicitor and she is trying to do it herself.
This whole thing is about her. She is the victim. She is the one struggling. She said she is struggling emotionally with what is going on. I asked how she thinks I feel! She said she wanted space at the beginning and I couldn’t give it. I said I wonder why. My therapist even said she had no right to ask for that at that time. She is a very selfish, confused and broken woman at the moment. I focus on the kids. She says kids but means her. She won’t sofa surf at a friends and would rather rent a place and spend £8k on rent in 6 months just to cover a few days per week she can’t be here. It’s mental.
This whole thing is about her. She is the victim. She is the one struggling. She said she is struggling emotionally with what is going on. I asked how she thinks I feel! She said she wanted space at the beginning and I couldn’t give it. I said I wonder why. My therapist even said she had no right to ask for that at that time. She is a very selfish, confused and broken woman at the moment. I focus on the kids. She says kids but means her. She won’t sofa surf at a friends and would rather rent a place and spend £8k on rent in 6 months just to cover a few days per week she can’t be here. It’s mental.
