Dame
Unfortunately you had no choice by getting a locksmith.Gone are the days of the 80's and 90's, you ask a kid playing on the street. If they can climb through your small window and open the door on the other side.
Not safe to do that anymore
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
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Dame
Unfortunately you had no choice by getting a locksmith.Gone are the days of the 80's and 90's, you ask a kid playing on the street. If they can climb through your small window and open the door on the other side.
Not safe to do that anymore
So off she flew for work yesterday. Mixed emotions at both extremes. Glad I have the space and time with the kids. Also miss her terribly. I used to message her all the time when away but now it’s radio silence. It hurts.
I’ll get through though. Trying to find something to keep me occupied for a few days.
Yesterday was a down day.
Going to get house cleaned today whilst boys out of their usual Saturday stuff and then probably take them out for dinner or lunch.
Anyone have a solution for turning your brain off and not going through the past? I don’t want to anymore. I want to move on and get past it.
I’ll get through though. Trying to find something to keep me occupied for a few days.
Yesterday was a down day.
Going to get house cleaned today whilst boys out of their usual Saturday stuff and then probably take them out for dinner or lunch.
Anyone have a solution for turning your brain off and not going through the past? I don’t want to anymore. I want to move on and get past it.
I find this so hard. Memories everywhere, photos, trinkets, old cards we'd saved. Everything is a reminder. There's so much stuff. Literally everything has a story to it. The side table, the clock.
Some occasions have been okay, but I've been unable, or unwilling to spend any time at home. I find myself reliving the past, torturing myself. I know it doesn't help in the long run. I feel its a kind of punishment, me giving myself an emotional slap for the things I should have done differently. My mindset needs to change. But I have many regrets. Things I should have done differently, things I should have done full stop. Believing that it could have been so different. Maybe so. But maybe not. Still grieving I guess.
I was doing better. But since Wednesday it has been crap. We fell out. It makes things so much more difficult. Kinda ripped the scab off again. My struggles with communicating in certain situations contributed again. I hate it. Its so obvious what I did wrong after the fact, I just don't see it the time. Something I wish I can get better at.
That’s exactly where I am. I have started taking pictures down but I have my kids as a constant reminder and knowing she is away and I assume not missing me like I do her.
My youngest this morning talking about our family and how great it is. He has no idea what is going on. He still refers to mummy and daddy spots in my bed when he comes through despite us not sharing a room for over a month now.
It’s the little things that hurt the most.
My youngest this morning talking about our family and how great it is. He has no idea what is going on. He still refers to mummy and daddy spots in my bed when he comes through despite us not sharing a room for over a month now.
It’s the little things that hurt the most.
I get you. I see her as the one out there getting on with everything. Not struggling with all the memories unlike me.
There is so much stuff. Everything we bought had a meaning, or a story, or memory. Usually bought from an auction, a French car boot, an antiques shop etc. Its not what I'd call tat, or replaceable stuff from B&M. Its unique. I like all the things, I like the style. If I removed them all, my house would be literally empty.
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Unfortunately, because you have kids you can't completely block the ex. You can completely block and remove her from all social media etc. You don't want any of that! Also, resist the urge to check in etc, she really doesn't give a **** and trying to be the nice guy isn't going to do anything except communicate you care more than she does and make you look pitiful.
Personally, in my opinion the best thing you can do to start getting over an ex is to go out and get laid! Obviously, unless you're paying for it be upfront about your intentions. The thing is you are reeling from the trauma of what has happened, your self esteem, confidence etc has taken a massive hit. Proving to yourself you are still desirable etc can massively make you feel better, especially if she's hotter and or younger than the ex.. Besides the physical act can be cathartic and fun. Psychologically, I think it helps break that connection too.
Well she’s back next week and I’ve scheduled to talk to her on the 5th. As she hasn’t made a decision I’ll be doing it then. It’s the first day the kids don’t be around. I’m pulling the rip cord. I’m not living in limbo anymore. Time for decisions and to get things moving. No more being there for her. It’s about me now. I’ll give it some time but I will get back out there. I’m not one for ons but I’m sure I’ll meet someone when I’m ready.
I prefer being in a committed relationship also, but there's a huge benefit to what I suggest. You need a win in that department! If you can't or won't do that then that's fine too.
With all due respect pal, you need to put into practice what you're saying. This deluded woman does not respect you, or care about you and trying to be a good guy here is not going to get you any respect either.
That’s the plan. No longer will I defer to her and give her what she wants. Tried that. Drove me mad. Taking the bull by the horns and getting what I want now. Almost looking forward to it so I can be free and move on.
She asked me to lie to my son about her trying to wake him before she left to say goodbye. She didn’t bother. She went and made a drink. When it came up in conversation I told him the truth. I’m not covering for her crap parenting anymore.
She asked me to lie to my son about her trying to wake him before she left to say goodbye. She didn’t bother. She went and made a drink. When it came up in conversation I told him the truth. I’m not covering for her crap parenting anymore.
Yup. That is one of the things that broke me and made me decide I’m done. He’s really hurt and doesn’t know what to feel but I’m glad he knows. She is what she is.
She also had our youngest the other weekend. And scheduled a nail appointment for herself so made him sit in a salon bored for an hour. He’s 7. She bribed him with a costa for his trouble.
She also had our youngest the other weekend. And scheduled a nail appointment for herself so made him sit in a salon bored for an hour. He’s 7. She bribed him with a costa for his trouble.
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See, absolutely selfish, delusional and personality I hope she catches syphilis! Sorry, but I can't stand stuff like that! My two eldest kids Mum put them through a none stop **** show, lying to them, emotionally and then physically abusing them to the point I'm estranged from my eldest. He has adhd, suspected autism and is very gullible and my daughter, while she lives with me full time now is a full on psychological mess requiring psychiatric care!
Women like this belong in jail!
Women like this belong in jail!
So many things. I won’t keep listing them but the more time I think about it the worse she gets. She’s so selfish at the moment and hasn’t thought about the kids through any of this. It’s all about her.
Now it’s time to break that cycle. A harsh conversation and putting my kids first. Time to move on for the 3 of us and be done with her. She needs professional help.
Now it’s time to break that cycle. A harsh conversation and putting my kids first. Time to move on for the 3 of us and be done with her. She needs professional help.
I probably know the answer to this but I'd be talking to my solicitor about the possibility of changing the locks and bin bagging her stuff and dumping it in the front garden for her to collect. Again that won't be advised but my god it should be!
Only legally, but that's what's important.
Soldato
- Joined
- 17 Jan 2006
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- 4,267
I've got a difficult day coming up on Monday, in dropping my ex's stuff back to her and picking up my stuff. Will be the first time I've seen her since we split up two months ago and I'm dreading it.
I miss her so very much and feel incredibly sad that she needed the relationship. I know I need to move on, and I've been doing all the right things, talking to friends, getting involved with MeetUp and meeting new people, and focusing on being the best dad I can be for my son, but I just know it is going to be painful and very emotional.
I've got my bit this weekend and I'm doing my best to keep it together but I'm struggle because I just can't stop thinking about Monday and feeling sad.
I miss her so very much and feel incredibly sad that she needed the relationship. I know I need to move on, and I've been doing all the right things, talking to friends, getting involved with MeetUp and meeting new people, and focusing on being the best dad I can be for my son, but I just know it is going to be painful and very emotional.
I've got my bit this weekend and I'm doing my best to keep it together but I'm struggle because I just can't stop thinking about Monday and feeling sad.
![[FnG]magnolia](/styles/overclockers/avatars/9.png){kind=avatar}
Caporegime
You don't have to like or enjoy something to get through it but there will be times that the relief having gone through a challenging situation is worth it. It's like a trade off and you focus on the road, not the journey, but the road in front of you and then you get to the destination and maybe it wasn't so bad after all because you got to where you were going.
Chin up, champ.
Soldato
- Joined
- 17 Jan 2006
- Posts
- 4,267
I think you're probably right,.as hard and emotional as it will be on Monday. Once I'm through it, hopefully there will be some sense of relief mixed in with my sadness.
Caporegime
If nothing else it ticks a box, it makes a mark of achievement and you write that down or keep it in mind or discard it if that's how you roll but regardless, you'll do it. Again and again.
You: I did that!
Your brain: What's next?
You: I don't know but it might be difficult.
Your brain: Well, let's do that too. It'll be ok.
You: You sure?
Your brain: We did it before.
You: Yeah, we did.
Your brain: Remember that journey we didn't want to go on?
You: The road that got us here?
Your brain: Focus on the road.
You: I did that!
Your brain: What's next?
You: I don't know but it might be difficult.
Your brain: Well, let's do that too. It'll be ok.
You: You sure?
Your brain: We did it before.
You: Yeah, we did.
Your brain: Remember that journey we didn't want to go on?
You: The road that got us here?
Your brain: Focus on the road.