Soldato
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A lot of it is a out holding on to those things and remembering that we can get through it. And just keeping on moving forward.
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
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Soldato
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Currently feeling very anxious about seeing my ex later to give her stuff back and pick up mine. I know it's going to be incredibly difficult and emotional. I know I'll be ok in time but right now I feel short of breathe, dizzy, sick and really tearful.
Try and be very transactional about it, like seeing your GP or an optician.
Soldato
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I'm not sure I can be, I feel so broken today and I miss her so very much.
The person you're meeting today isn't your ex though, she's a stranger / different person.
If you are really really struggling, can you get someone else to go in your place?
Soldato
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I guess you're probably right, she's not the person she was any more.
My parents did offer but I know this is something I need to do myself. I know it'll be ok and I'll be fine afterwards, just the thought of it is difficult.
It always helps to talk about it (or post about it on here)
My parents did offer but I know this is something I need to do myself. I know it'll be ok and I'll be fine afterwards, just the thought of it is difficult.
It always helps to talk about it (or post about it on here)
You will get through it. You are strong enough to do it and will be better after.
I am dreading seeing mine on Wednesday when she gets back. I am putting the boundaries in place and putting myself first and I know that conversation is going to be hard and as such the anxiety is kicking in about whether I can go through with it. I will through. I didn't sleep last night but I only have 2 more to go and it will be done.
The journey is not what I am focusing on. Its the road and 1 step at a time. For me, Wednesday needs to not be on the radar and I need to look at today only but that is hard for someone who plans ahead so much. Small steps...
I am dreading seeing mine on Wednesday when she gets back. I am putting the boundaries in place and putting myself first and I know that conversation is going to be hard and as such the anxiety is kicking in about whether I can go through with it. I will through. I didn't sleep last night but I only have 2 more to go and it will be done.
The journey is not what I am focusing on. Its the road and 1 step at a time. For me, Wednesday needs to not be on the radar and I need to look at today only but that is hard for someone who plans ahead so much. Small steps...
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Soldato
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Thanks buddy, I know I can get through it, as hard as it will be.
I feel for you, I'm sure that won't be an easy conversation, look after yourself and reach out any time if you need someone to talk to.
I feel for you, I'm sure that won't be an easy conversation, look after yourself and reach out any time if you need someone to talk to.
@valve90210 how did it go? Are you ok?
Not going on social media.
Reading
Something that requires focus
Getting out of the house.
Gym.
Even work.. . Sometimes.
Computer games/tv didn't cut it for me.
Being outdoors. Doing high intensity fast hobbies.
But mainly being out of the house or finding things that keep your focus.
As hard as it is.. Yes.. Now they are a stranger.
No favours, just as you wouldn't a stranger.
The handing over of stuff is hopefully the hardest bit done.
Hope you got on OK!
I’ve been running again today which helped a bit. Weight still coming off. 18st 5ish and now down to 15st 10 in 7 weeks.
I’ll be better after Wednesday as I won’t have to see or speak to her again. Will likely block her fully on all media and just tell her txt or email only. No Facebook, WhatsApp etc.
May order myself some books. Going to get some painting done in the house too and redecorate the main bedroom. Also get new furniture I think. May have to spread it out though so don’t raid the savings.
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Soldato
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It went well actually, we sat and talked for a couple of hours. We were both just as upset as each other and both finding it super hard but were able to express ourselves and speak our minds with kindness and gentleness for ourselves and each other.
Neither of us regrets our time together, we both loved it and loved each other but things weren't right for her and I can understand that, and she had to do what was right for her, which, as painful as it is for me, I can understand. We will stay in touch and we both hope we can be friends when the feelings are not longer so painful.
For me it was nice to see that she was also really struggling, I didn't know how she was feeling before today and had it in my head that she was probably fine and just wanted to purge me from her life which felt incredibly sad. But to see that she was as upset as me felt like what had had for the last 3 years was something real and precious to us both.
My parents came round this afternoon when I got back to my house, and we played a few games of cards and chatted which was nice. I'm still sad but the desperate anxiety and fear that today would be truly awful is gone and the day was actually ok and very cathartic. I'm still feeling sadness but I know I will be ok.
Soldato
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See my post above. I got on well and it wasn't as awful as I feared. I'm doing ok, still sad but feeling ok.
Glad things went well @valve90210.
I find that very strange. Investing 2 hours of your time to someone you're no longer going to be affiliated with in the same capacity again. Or was it 10mins chat and 1hour50mins summat else
Soldato
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We chatted because what we previously had was important to both of us and we both still care about each other. It was actually really good to talk, and it was just talk.I find that very strange. Investing 2 hours of your time to someone you're no longer going to be affiliated with in the same capacity again. Or was it 10mins chat and 1hour50mins summat else
You might want to have a long look at yourself tbh.
How she feels should have absolutely nothing to do with how you feel. More importantly, regardless of the situation, you shouldn’t be finding pleasure in anyone else’s lack of it.
It’s a sign that you don’t actually love her, you love the benefits you got from being with her. Two different things and the second isn’t healthy.
Been through it? How she feel absolutely impacts on him. It was a relationship between 2 people. How each other feels directly affects the other in many ways.
I fully understand what he means. Feeling you are the only one in pain from a life changing event that is supposed to affect 2 people is heart-breaking and difficult to work through. Knowing that actually, the other person does feel and you are both hurting helps to reinforce that the relationship was a shared one. His comment don't mean he wants her in pain but merely that knowing she also hurts bring validation to what was and that she cared. Those that don't care, don't feel and believing they don't feel is the worst part of the breakup. That you can be discarded without emotion and pain is the most hurtful part of it.
I fully understand what he means. Feeling you are the only one in pain from a life changing event that is supposed to affect 2 people is heart-breaking and difficult to work through. Knowing that actually, the other person does feel and you are both hurting helps to reinforce that the relationship was a shared one. His comment don't mean he wants her in pain but merely that knowing she also hurts bring validation to what was and that she cared. Those that don't care, don't feel and believing they don't feel is the worst part of the breakup. That you can be discarded without emotion and pain is the most hurtful part of it.