The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
- Start date
Yup, I get that depression does that. I've been there myself but there's no helping someone who doesn't want to be helped. @nlel1975 Dude, seriously try to help yourself. Myself and others have offered lots of good advice but you need to be the one to take steps. Nobody can do that for you
like what the **** is this even meant to signify or mean?
no one is going to put it any other way I suspect now, plenty of advice across multiple threads, you have taken on some advice in places, but you appear to want quick fixes and there is zero quick fixes in life.
Just means they are delusional too. She’s sick of men she doesn’t like hitting on her, me included.
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Had a friend with a wife who had 'depression'. She would stay in bed most days and all weekends where he would work full time and then come home to cook clean, look after kids etc.
He finally cut ties and she moved back home to her family. Now she is working and has met someone else.
My mate was a crutch to her and enabled her behaviour. I'm not saying this is true in most cases, but certainly here.
There also may come a time when a partner has the lightbulb moment and realises that their life is **** and reevaluates the relationship themselves. Then they get a bit of male attention at work, online, elsewhere and the next thing you know, you're the bad guy (after years of supporting them emotionally and financially) and they are gone, leaving you to pick up the pieces.
It's your life too and you have a right to be happy.
He finally cut ties and she moved back home to her family. Now she is working and has met someone else.
My mate was a crutch to her and enabled her behaviour. I'm not saying this is true in most cases, but certainly here.
There also may come a time when a partner has the lightbulb moment and realises that their life is **** and reevaluates the relationship themselves. Then they get a bit of male attention at work, online, elsewhere and the next thing you know, you're the bad guy (after years of supporting them emotionally and financially) and they are gone, leaving you to pick up the pieces.
It's your life too and you have a right to be happy.
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If a girl likes you she’s going to let you know, you don’t have to ask her out. It’ll be pretty obvious by her body language. As has been said before it’s a numbers game, same for any man. You’ll have to take 100 rejections before you get that one match. I’m not mentally up to it so best not even try.
I was referring to the other guys who are having issues with their partners/relationships.
However, I'm not sure what you said is completely true. I've had girls say to me years later that they liked me but I never seemed into them or asked them out - doh. Wasted opportunities for both of us!
You don't have to profess your love for them on day 1. A simple "want to grab a drink?", yes or no question and you both know where you stand.
I've also been told loads of times, "just want to be friends" where I've replied, "I've got enough friends, I'm looking for more from you". They have either reconsidered (lol) or we've parted ways. Again, you both know where you stand and no feelings are hurt.
However, I'm not sure what you said is completely true. I've had girls say to me years later that they liked me but I never seemed into them or asked them out - doh. Wasted opportunities for both of us!
You don't have to profess your love for them on day 1. A simple "want to grab a drink?", yes or no question and you both know where you stand.
I've also been told loads of times, "just want to be friends" where I've replied, "I've got enough friends, I'm looking for more from you". They have either reconsidered (lol) or we've parted ways. Again, you both know where you stand and no feelings are hurt.
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Soldato
Hah, yes, I got chatting to a girl I knew in college a few years earlier, she confessed that she really fancied me at the time. Ridiculously hot, great fun, smart... Unfortunately she was in a happy long term relationship by the time she told me. Sad times
I dunno... These days it seems that's enough to get you done for sexual harassment!
Only if you let them.
Edit: OK sure, if your only goal is sex then maybe - not denying it's much easier for even a below average looking girl to get an easy lay if that's all she's after, but in an actual relationship it's nowhere near that one-sided.
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True - I've been out of the dating game many years now - thankfully.
If you are in the US not UK.. Lol. Even then it's rare that happens.
Soldato
I know, that was (mostly) tongue-in-cheek. Still can't blame some men for being hesitant to make a move after hearing about things like that though. It doesn't matter how rare it is if the one person it happens to is you.
I think the word I’m looking for is insecure, men love seemingly confident women and she knows she’s nothing special. We need validation and seek it in our partners, this is a big turn off for a woman.
This post assumes this girl is a stranger... Correct me if I'm wrong.
This is quite unhealthy. You are putting her on a pedestal.
If you are worried or even spending thinking time on her feelings towards you it's occupying too much of your thinking time.
If you're not going to make a move, you need to move on.
Yeah, if it happens to you. You are basically toast.
Soldato
I'm pretty concerned how much you seem to be asserting you know exactly how she thinks and feels.
A) You don't know how she feels, even if she's a friend. No one can read minds
B) You really don't know what she thinks if you don't actually know her (uncertain)
C) The bottom line is you are spending SO MUCH ENERGY thinking and talking about her which is wasted because...
1. You've already decided it isn't going to go anywhere with her
2. This energy you put in will never lead to any change for you because it's make-believe/speculation. I do this a lot, play out situations well beyond my factual knowledge and into fantasy conclusions. Wasted time dealing with situations that aren't actually happening to you
3. She's only one of many many potential partners/friends/flirtations/whatever and you're diverting energy away from those opportunities to interact with people
It literally does not matter what she thinks about you, how she feels about other men, or herself, or any attention she may or may not be getting... Put her in the past as someone you walked past recently and start thinking about what's in front of you. Change the subject. Boats. Boats are blue. Do you agree? Why/why not?
Selfish is the least of your worries
Just need to give girls who don’t have that affect on me a chance, it’s like a drug.
I’m sure she would love to hear she have no affect on you.
Depending on the context that would not go down well