Soooo i got off from work early yesterday and went home to talk to her. We both cried a lot, she apologised profusely and kept saying how sorry she was to do this to me and wish she didn't have to do it. Unfortunately it doesn't look like anything is salvageable though even if you take away weddings and just focus on the relationship. She doesn't feel the same and has been trying for some time to change how she feels about me. The spark is gone, she doesn't feel we have an intimate relationship anymore and she doesn't think it is something that can be worked at. Those were the final nails in the coffin and the most hurting really - 7 years gone and not willing to even try to fix things together, that's going to take a hell of a long time to process and get over.
Its even more difficult for us both because we are best friends and that ultimately we are both going to lose our best friend as I can't see a way for us to remain friends post-split - I don't know anyone who has successfully done that and it will be much much too hard for me. I feel like as hard as it is going to be the only way out of this for me is to cut ties completely and contact to a minimal.
I went round to a couple of friends last night and they were all shocked and baffled like me, their advice was much the same as what has already been given; forget about weddings and to see if you can salvage anything from the relationship. Sadly that isn't going to happen.
We both stayed at the house last night but before I went to sleep I said I thought it would be best if she was gone tomorrow to her Mum's by the time I get home from work as I can't have her around as its too painful.
God, my last breakup was about 9 years ago and was only a v.short relationship which really took its toll on me, knowing how long it took me to get over that I fear for how long this will take for me to recover from. I am however, older, wiser and have learnt from that but this is going to be a tough one to take. I feel like i'm back to square one, having built a life, shared so many experiences, made new friends through each other, bought a home, grown up and matured with someone through so many ups and downs I feel like it's right back to the start again and having to now go back to an empty house (bar the cat) every day fills me with dread and really, really hurts.